Legendary Bloopers!
by swedishfish67
Summary: Zelda's got chicken pox, Navi's on fire, Epona's afraid of grass, chickens are taking over, the ocarina is broken, and Link has an allergic reaction to swords and gold things shaped like triangles. Who's gonna save our butts? Let's face it. We're screwed.
1. The Legend of Nelba

The ORIGINAL Legendary Bloopers!

**One:** The Legend of Nelba

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NOWHERE AT ALL

(happy legend music playing in background)

**Random Narrator:** doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo doooo… oh! Sorry. Couldn't help but sing along… Yes. Once upon a time, there was a legend. A great legend of a boy with a pony and a musical instrument who saved Hyrule! He was known as Zelda, the Hero of…

**Some Japanese guy who created Zelda games:** Link! His name was Link, the Hero of Time! Just because its Legend of Zelda doesn't mean Link's name is Zelda! HIS NAME IS LINK, DAMMIT!

**Random Narrator:** …Time. He rode a pony and traveled through time using a sword and an instrument. Wait, I already said that. Oh well. He saved us from that freaky dude named Ganon.

_(Picture of Link creaming Ganondorf)_

**Random Narrator: **Oh, oops, sorry. Wrong one.

_(Picture of Link begging for mercy at Ganondorf's feet)_

**Random Narrator: **Hmm. Anyway, The Hero of Time is a great legend and that's about it. He saved princess Link. I mean, Zelda. The end. Okay, now onto the story! Wait… I almost forgot, he wore green. Okay, here we go.

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HYRULE FIELD

(music changes to Hyrule-Field-at-sundown-music)

_(Link rides off clumsily into the sunset on Epona, drops his sword, and gets off to pick it up again. He tries to get back on Epona, but he can't and she won't stay still)_

**Link:** Damn! Hurry, Epona, stop fidgeting! The opening is almost over!

**Epona:** neigh. neigh.

**Link:** _(hears ending of music)_ Never mind! _(runs alongside her and they head off into the distance, Link calling after Epona)_ Wait up, you crappy heck of a horse! Wait!!!!

_(The sun sets and they disappear into the distance)_

**Link:** _(muttering)_ this is BS, Epona! Get back here!

music slowly begins to fade and play Ocarina of Time Theme song

_(words appear: The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time)_

_(Epona runs by the letters, knocks the 'Z' over, flips the 'd' around, and crashes into the colon, making it explode. Link catches up, panting)_

**Link:** _(reading the words)_ The Legend of Nelba Ocarina of Time. Wait, that's not right! _(sees Epona)_ Damn you, you friggin horse! You messed up my title! Dammit!

_(words appear: Press Start)_

**Link:** Must I do this every time? _(presses start)_

_doo doo doo do do do da dooo!_

_(Words fade and leave Epona and Link standing there)_

**Link:** What the hell?!

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START SCREEN

(Fairy Fountain music)

_(The words read: Select Your Game Slot)_

**Slot 1:** asjflkdsmb

**Slot 2:** LINK

**Slot 3:** Stupid

**Link:** _(clicks on Slot 2)_

**Slot 2:** Erase. Start. Copy.

**Link:** Erase…

**Slot 2:** Are you sure you want to delete LINK?

**Link:** Yes.. no.. wait!

**Slot 2:** DELETED

**Link:** Damn. _(Clicks Slot 3)_

_doo doo doo do do do da dooo!_

**

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BLACKED-OUT SCREEN

(sad music playing)

**Deku Tree:** I am the friggin guardian of this damn forest and all its little annoying-as-hell Kokiri children. Yup, I'm the crappy old Great Deku Tree. Just for fun, I am going to give that stupid idiot without a fairy Mido's fairy! That'll be great! HAHAHAHA

_(shows picture of Link snoring uproariously on his king-sized bed, a bottle of beer is smashed on the floor)_

_(fades)_

**Deku Tree:** HAHAHAHAHAHA I can't wait… HAHAHEHEHEHA

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HYRULE CASTLE

(ohhh I'm so scared of this music! It's SO scary!)

**Link:** Waah? A castle? Why am I dreaming about a CASTLE?!

**Impa's Horse:** NEIGH!!!!!

_(Impa and Zelda come riding out of the castle in a hurry and run Link over)_

**Link: **_(gets up off the ground, rubbing his butt) Ooohh, my butt! Ouch! _

**Zelda: **_(waving merrily to Link)_ Hi, you're cute!

**Link:** _(blushes)_ Hey, why are you riding out of the castle in a hurry?

**Zelda:** I dunno. _(shrugs)_ Hey look, a freaky gay guy with issues! _(points to Ganondorf, who has just come riding out of the castle)_

**Ganondorf:** Which way did they go? Little boy, did you see them? Ah, screw you! _(attempts to hit Link over the head with his sword)_

**Zelda:** Bye! _(she and Impa ride off into the night)_

**Link:** Uh. Sure. Can I wake up now?

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AT THE GREAT DEKU TREE

(sad music playing)

**Random Narrator:** Once upon a time there was a tree. He was big and old and weary. He needed to get someone to save the princess and Hyrule, so he read a legend called 'Legend of Nelba Ocarina of Time' and got an idea. He called one of the Kokiri to him.

music stops in the middle of a note

**Deku Tree:** Get the hell over here, Mido!

**Mido:** What the crap do you want, you damn piece of wood?!

**Deku Tree:** Tell your fairy to get her crappy butt down here. I need to ask her a favor. Come hither, Navi! Oh, there you are. Took you long enough.

**Navi:** I'm here, dammit! I was ALWAYS here!

**Deku Tree:** Good. Go find the loser without a fairy.

**Navi:** and…?

**Deku Tree:** Well, be his fairy. And tell him to get the hell over here.

**Mido and Navi:** &$!!!!!

**Deku Tree: **Must I repeat myself. The fate of this WHOLE ENTIRE FRIGGIN FOREST- nay, THE FATE OF THIS WHOLE ENTIRE FRIGGIN WORLD DEPENDS ON YOU!!!! _(sigh) _Not really, but it sounds crappy and convincing as hell if you ask me.

**Navi:** Whatever. _(flies off)_

**Mido:** #!$!!!!!

**Deku Tree**: Oh, Mido. If the loser kid tries to come to my clearing, tell him he can't pass unless he gets a sword and shield.

**Mido:** Ok.


	2. Under the Tree

The ORIGINAL Legendary Bloopers!

**Two:** Under the Tree

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KOKIRI FOREST

(Kokiri Forest tune, full blast)

**Navi:** _(flies around Kokiri Forest, ignoring the laughs and jeers of the Kokiri children)_

**Kokiri Children:** _(laugh) (jeer)_

**Navi:** _(not looking where she is going)_ Where does that kid live again…? _(hits fence)_ OOF!

**Kokiri Children:** HAHAHAHAHA

**Navi:** I hate my life. _(flies off)_

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INSIDE LINK'S TREEHOUSE

(Kokiri Forest music playing softly in background)

**Navi:** Wake up, damn it!

**Link:** _(grunt)_ uuhhhnnnn _(turns over)_

**Navi:** _(jumps him)_ GET UP YOU-

**Link:** Waa! A fairy! GET OUT!

**Navi:** Gladly. _(mutters under breath about shitty trees and damn kids these days)_

**Link:** NO! I meant, 'get out' as in, woah! I have a fairy! _(jumps up and down with enthusiasm)_

**Navi:** Aw crap, I thought I was outa this one. Oh, yeah, I'm Navi, and you must be Zelda. The Grea-

**Link:** What the hell, its Link.

**Navi:** Fine. Link. Anyway, the Grea-

**Random Cow:** Moo.

**Navi:** The-Great-Deku-Tree-Summons-You-To-Get-The-Hell-Over-There _(pant pant pant)_

**Link:** Wow, you talk fast!

**Navi:** Really. _(rolls eyes) _Now let's go.

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OUTSIDE LINK'S TREEHOUSE

(**KOKIRI FOREST)**

(Kokiri Forest music getting gradually louder in background)

**Link:** Kay. _(proceeds to walk down ladder)_

**Navi:** HEY! LISTEN!

**Link:** Waa..? _(falls down impossibly long ladder and hits ground)_

**Navi:** There you go! Now you're getting there! Move faster! Hey, listen!

**Link:** Shut the $# up, Navi.

**Saria:** _(walks over to them)_ Wow, Link, what is that flying-challenged fairy doing near you? She belongs to Mido.

**Navi:** Excuse me?

**Saria:** _(shrugs)_

**Link:** Go away, Saria. Nobody likes you anyway.

**Saria:** But… but…

**Link:** Leave us alone, friggin loser. We're trying to go to the Great Deku Tree.

**Saria:** Oh! The Great Deku Tree! Ya know, I heard tha-

**Navi:** Hey, I think it's this way. _(points to neon sign saying 'Great Deku Tree's Clearing')_

**Link:** Ok, you know best. Although I thought it was this way_. (points to sign saying 'Definitely NOT Great Deku Tree's Clearing')_ Anyway, YAY! I HAVE A FAIRY!!!!

**Kokiri children:** _(smirk)_

**Saria:** _(stands there dejectedly)_

**Navi:** C'mon, Link. We need to cross that river.

**Link:** But I can't swim!

**Navi:** Screw this, dammit! Jump across the rocks, moron!

**Link:** What rocks?

**Navi:** Nevermind. We'll just go around.

**

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GREAT DEKU TREE'S PATH

(Kokiri Forest music gets increasingly louder)

_(Link and Navi proceed to enter Great Deku Tree's Clearing)_

**Mido:** Halt. You may not pass without a sword and a shield. Get them. Or else. Blah blah blah. _(sighs)_

**Navi:** Umm, I'm a fairy, I can't carry a sword and shield. Duh.

**Mido:** No, not you, my former fairy, the crappy loser kid, dammit!

**Navi:** Well, that wasn't on the sign… Link?

**Link:** _(reading sign)_ Yeah, it was. I think. _(points to fine print at bottom)_ 'You must be 18 years or older to call'. Hmm, whats that mean?

**Navi:** Uh, Link, that's an ad for something-that-is-not-sold-in-stores.

**Link:** Oh, well this sign says that the Great Deku Tree's Clearing only accepts sword and shield people, in fine print. What's fine print? Is it a new tunic?

**Navi:** _(rolls eyes) _It's gonna be a long saga.

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AT THE KOKIRI SHOP

(catchy shop music!)

**Shopkeeper:** I told you, we don't sell swords.

**Link:** Sure ya do!

**Shopkeeper:** No.. we don't.

**Link:** Fine, I need a shield.

**Shopkeeper:** 30 Rupees, please.

**Link:** I only have 29!

**Navi:** Haha.

**Shopkeeper:** Too bad, Sonny.

**Link:** waaaaa I wanna shield!!

**Shopkeeper:** Okay, but you owe me 5 rupees _(gives him shield)_

**Link:** ok, I owe you 5 rupees. dadadadun! You got a shield! I mean, I got a shield! _(attempts to lift it) _ummph, I can't! Damn!

**Navi:** Hey, look, I found a sword!

**Link:** Where?

**Navi:** Somewhere of mild importance. Can you lift either one of them?

**Link:** Nope.

**Navi:** Damn. Well, let's just leave them here and pick them up later. Okay, come on, to the Great Deku Tree!

dadadadadada dun!!

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GREAT DEKU TREE'S CLEARING

(Kokiri Forest music continues to increase in volume)

**Deku Tree:** … and so you must go inside me, you damn kid. Get inside my crappy trunk and kill the evil monster. Ok?

**Link:** Aye aye, sir!

(Kokiri forest music gets so loud it creates an earthquake)

_(Objects go flying and hit Link on head, and Deku Tree opens mouth and gets knocked out)_

**Link:** Hey, look, it's my sword and shield! And for some miraculous reason I can lift them now!

**Navi:** Who cares. Just get inside the friggin tree.

**Deku Tree: **uuhhhhnnnnn _(groans)_


	3. Achoo

The ORIGINAL Legendary Bloopers!

**Three:** Achoo.

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GREAT DEKU TREE'S CLEARING

(Kokiri Forest music is back to its normal, happy tune)

**Random Rooster:** Cocka doodle do.

**Navi:** Wake up, dammit!

**Link:** This is sounding oddly familiar. 'Cept, this time, no! I don't wanna!

**Navi:** Then this should sound familiar: HEY! LISTEN! GET INSIDE THE FRIGGIN TREE!!

**Link:** I'm goin'!

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INSIDE THE DEKU TREE

(whatever music that plays inside the Great Deku Tree plays)

**Link:** Woah, I didn't realize the Great Deku Nut was so HUGE! _(looks around)_

**Navi:** _(sighs)_ Great Deku _Tree._

**Link:** Sure, whatever.

**Navi:** Look, a door.

**Link:** I know, let's go through it!

_(they go through door)_

**Deku Scrub:** patoooeee! _(spits rocks at Link)_

**Link:** Holy. Crap.

**Navi:** Just deflect the rocks with your shield, okay? _(sigh)_

**Link:** What shield? Oh, you mean this shield??

**Navi:** Yup.

_(Link deflects one rock at the scrub. The scrub fires another rock. Instead of deflecting, it crashes through Link's shield)_

**Link:** Run away! Run away! _(runs out of room screaming, leaving his broken shield behind)_

**Deku Scrub:** Cool, a pile of wood splinters.

**Navi:** Hey, Listen. I think we should go over there.

**Link:** _(sees spider web)_ EEK! SPIDERS! I AM DEATHLY ALLERGERIC TO SPIDERS!

**Navi:** _(gasp)_ Uh, what happens when you go near a spider?

**Link:** I sneeze! Ever since I realized I had an allergic reaction I was afraid of them! Don't make me go over there!

**Random spider:** scuttle scuttle scuttle click clack click.

**Link:** AIEEEEEE

**Navi:** Any other allergic reactions I should know about?

**Link:** Horses, swords, gold things shaped like triangles, Lon Lon milk, heart containers, cukoo chicken-y things. Rocks, rupees, grass, the sky, fish, oh, and fairies.

**Navi:** Great. You aren't serious, are you?

**Link:** Well, you win, no. Only fairies make me throw up, and Lon Lon milk gives me a rash. Swords are the worst; they make my ears get all pointy. Sometimes rupees will give me a sore throat, but not always. Fish make my nose itch.

**Navi:** Damn. Well, get ready to sneeze, kid, 'cause this place is full of spiders. Now, climb up there, then jump through that spider web.

**Link:** No. Way.

**Navi:** _(pokes him with Deku stick)_

**Link:** _(falls through spider web)_ ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO!

**Navi:** _(gets drenched in snot)_ EEEWW!

_da da da da da da da dun!_

**Link:** _(splash, falls in water)_ Look, a door that is locked! _(tries to open it)_

**Navi:** Hey, listen! Use those Deku sticks to make fire and light all of the torches.

**Link:** Okay. _(Takes stick and gets it on fire) (trips and falls in water, torch goes out)_ Damn!

_(many tries later)_

**Link:** That's it! I'm sick of this damn wood! Navi, get the hell over here!

**Navi:** _(comes, sighing)_

**Link:** _(takes navi and sets her on fire)_ GO FLY AROUND THE ROOM AND LIGHT THE TORCHES!

**Navi:** $#! you, Link. _(lights torches, gets burnt, falls in water)_

**Link:** Hurry and get out before I drown you myself.

**Navi:** I'm here!

_da da da da da da da dun!_

**Link:** The door's open. Yay! _(proceeds to walk through door)_

**Navi:** Wait, don't…!

**Gold Scultula:** boss music scuttle scuttle click clack click

**Link:** _(sneezes uncontrollably on spider and Navi)_ ACHOO! ACHOO! Achoo! _(nose turns bright red)_

**Gold Scultula:** _(falls to the ground blinded by sneezes)_

**Navi:** Quick, Link, stab its underside with your sword!

Link: But my ears… _(stabs and kills it)_

**Gold Scultula:** _(dies)_

da da da da duuunnnnn!

**Link:** _(feels pointy edge of ears) _Hmm, maybe the girls who like elves will actually find these kinda hot…

**Navi:** _(rolls eyes)_ Get the Gold Scultula token and get through the door, dammit!

**Link:** _(does that) (door closes with a slam behind them)_ Crap.

(boss music)

_(room is full of spider webs, giant Scultula thing that you find in there comes down. No, it's not Gohma time yet.)_

**Link:** ACHOO! ACHOO!

**Navi:** Eww…

**Link:** _(sneezes real hard and knocks Scultula out. Stabs with sword and admires pointy ears)_

**Scultula:** _(dies)_

da da da da duuunnnnn!

_da da da da da da da dun!_

_(chest appears)_

**Link:** da da da dun! You - I mean, I got a slingshot, dungeon map, and compass! The unreadable freaky note says its cause the authoress decided to be nice and add the map and compass free of charge with no shipping and handling. The best part is; it's duty free!

**Navi:** _(sighs)_

_(they leave room, Link sneezing because of webs. Many rooms later they get a key. Then many more rooms later they find the boss door)_

**Link:** Gee, I wonder what this key goes to.

**Navi:** Sages, what the hell is the matter with this kid?!

**Link:** … hey! The door opened and the noise played again!

_da da da da da da da dun!_

**Navi:** _(sarcastically)_ I wonder why.


	4. The Downfall of IT!

Hey, Empress here! Gald you reviewers like me story! It's good to be back on ! :P

Thanks to...

**zelda:** thanx! actually i havent played the game in years, but i have a really good guide and from time to time i read it over. im trying to make sure i make fun of every little detail, lol

**elcaminojoe: **thanx so much, im real glad you liked it! Don't worry, I already have the first 9 chapters written, edited, and uploaded, ready to go, so it should be updated very frequently :P thanx for adding me to your favorites list

**obessed cheese (friend irl):** holz, its great to have u back and reviewing me stories again, lmao. friends forever an all that! ctard

**Jaimie:** why thank you! i tend to try to make this fic as stupid as possible. glad its working!

**Alexia da Cheesemaster: **Alexia!!! My old number one fan!!! its SOO great to have you back and revieweing legendary bloopers again! :P glad u still like it!! yeah break just ended for me to so now i have my reviewers to cheer me up (cough cough). your dress sounds pretty, lol! cheese! hey did u get my email btw?

**Hylian Herione:** thanx! don't worry, i completely plan to! cant upset me fans, can i? lol :P

without further adoo, the fic!

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The ORIGINAL Legendary Bloopers!

**Four:** The Downfall of IT!!!

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GREAT DEKU TREE BOSS ROOM

(ultra boss music playing)

**Door:** SLAM!

**Link:** Holy crap! ACHOO!!!!

**Navi:** Woah! Get out!

**Gohma:** MWARARGGGHHHHH!!!! scuttle scuttle-y click pinch

**Link:** Pinch?

**Navi:** Shut the hell up! Hey! Listen! Shoot that duty free slingshot at its eye!

**Link:** How do you know It is an it? Maybe It's a he or a she?

**Navi:** Arrrrhhhhh.

**Link:** ? ACHOO! ACHOO!

**Gohma:** MWARRARAGGGGHHHH

**Gohma baby:** MWARRRRARGGGGHHH

**Navi:** I vote she.

**Link:** ACHOO! ACHO-

**Navi:** Link?

**Link:** _(shakily)_ Remember when I said I was allergic to fairies 'cause they make me throw up?

**Navi:** _(gulp)_ yeah…

**Link:** Well, having you around has finally caught up with me…

**Link:** BLEHHH

**Navi:** EEEWWWWWW

**Gohma and Baby Gohmas:** Mwararghh?! _(get drenched)_ mwewww!!

pac-man dying noise - wia wia wia wia wia - meep meep!

**Gohma and Baby Gohmas:** _(fall on floor, unconscious)_

**Navi:** Uh, eeww, yet satisfying. Finish 'em off, Link!

**Link:** _(wipes mouth on tunic)_

**Navi:** That _is_ one way to get a red tunic, eh?

**Link:** Yup. _(thrusts with sword) (ears turn pointy)_

**Gohma and Baby Gohmas:** _(die) (dead)_

**Link:** Yay! (stomach lurches) (runs to an oddly-placed bathroom covering mouth)

**Navi:** Eeww. He has bad allergies, man. Damn that's funny!

**Link:** (returning) All better. I think I have developed a kind of resistance to you.

**Navi:** I feel so loved.

**Link:** You should!

**Navi:** Damn.

(music changes to i-beat-the-boss-music)

**Navi:** _(to music)_ A little late, are we?

**Navi:** Look! A heart container!

**Link:** Erm, okay. _(picks it up)_ da da da dun! I got a heart container!

**Navi:** Help us. Please.

**Link:** Wow, I have 2 hearts now!! Or three… _(counts on fingers)_ or something.

**Navi:** Like I said, it's gonna be a long saga.

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GREAT DEKU TREES CLEARING

**Deku Tree:** Thank you, damn loser kid, but I am still dying. Go away and get that crappy Ocarina and save us all. Except me. I'll be dead. Friggin curse! Oh, yeah, take this damn stone thing and go find princess Zelda. Ok, bye. _(dies)_

**Link:** Cool. _(takes the stone thing)_

**Navi:** That's a Kokiri's Emerald. I better hold onto it so you don't lose it.

**Link:** What makes you think I'm gonna lose it?

**Navi:** _(raises eyebrows and glares)_

**Link:** _(nods head vigorously)_ Kay. _(hands the Emerald over)_

**Navi:** Let's go leave and go to the castle.

**Link:** Why?

**Navi:** To see the Princess, dammit! Where else do you think she'd be?!

**Link:** Oh. Yeah. Sure. Whatever.

**Navi:** _(sighs)_

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ON A RANDOM BRIDGE

**(OVER A RANDOM STREAM)**

(Saria's Song playing softly in background)

**Random bridge:** creak.

**Random cow:** moo.

**Link:** AHHH THE BRIDGE IS GONNA COLLAPSE

**Saria:** Dearest Link, I knew you'd leave us someday, and I entrust in you this Fairy Ocarina. _(hands him Fairy Ocarina) _Oh, and just in case a big Goron wants to hear some music, come to the Sacred Forest Meadow and I'll teach you a song. Using that song, you can always talk to me! _(smiles)_

**Link:** Why would I want to talk to YOU?!

**Navi:** More importantly, was that actually on topic, and when will we ever meet a Goron?

**Saria:** Yes, it was on topic. Unless you have the players guide, you wouldn't know any of that. Humph. Anyway.

**Saria:** _(attempts to hide tears)_ I though you liked me…? _(sniff)_

**Link:** Not really.

**Navi:** Like her or not, you should at least thank her for the Ocarina.

**Link:** Oh, crap. See, I can't play an Ocarina.

**Saria:** At least you could try. Just play any kind of tune. I'm sure you'll suck… I mean, be great at it.

**Link:** toot toot toot KABOOM! _(smiles proudly)_

**Navi and Saria:** _(smirk)_

**Navi:** We'll just keep practicing that. Bye bye, Saria. Get the hell outa here.

**Saria:** What'd I do?

**Navi:** Nothing, I just feel like swearing. Now leave, dammit!

**Saria:** I'm goin'!

**Link: **toot toot toot teet toot teet?!

**Navi: **good job it didn-

**Link: **KABOOM!

**Navi: **Never mind.


	5. Chickens Unleashed

empress again... thanx to any reviewers i had, i think i covered all but these...

**Link: **ummmm not excactly sure what to say to that, but sry i had epona wreck the title. lol it hought it was funny. and whoever is trying to steal the keyboard, nice job! and why would i hit the a button that many times anyway?

**Nysoku:** lol dont worry theres plenty more kaboom to come. tell your friend ive gotten close but ive never died from laughing

**Alexia: **ive got random wind im the wind waker fic, hahaha. and i emailed u back! go me! ur lucky, at least u have more than 5 emails to read.. i usually never email anyone or get any emails myself. :D actually i just got ur other email. we must be on at the same time!

the fic...

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The ORIGINAL Legendary Bloopers!

**Five:** Chickens Unleashed

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SOMEWHERE IN HYRULE FIELD

(Hyrule Field daytime music)

**Link:** Okay, so, where to? Oh. The castle.

**Navi:** Yup.

**Link:** That Princess girl called me cute! _(grin)_

**Navi:** _(sarcastically)_ Oh really. When?

**Link:** In a dream.

**Navi:** Typical.

(Kaepora Gaebora tune begins to play)

**Kaepora Gaebora: **_(swoops down onto convenient nearby tree) _Hello, young traveler! I am Kaepora Gaebo-

**Link:** 'Gae' is right. Get the hell outa here, el freako.

**Navi:** What he said.

**Kaepora Gaebora:** You have ruined my self esteem. I will now talk endlessly about nothing and then fly away. Later, when you least expect it, I will annoyingly do the same thing.

**Navi:** Damn.

**Link:** What she said.

**

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SOMEWHERE ELSE

**(IN HYRULE FIELD)**

(Hyrule Field at dusk music)

**Link:** Sages, these days go by fast!

**Navi:** For you, maybe. _(sighs)_

**Link:** Was that statement implying anything?

**Navi:** You wish. Hey, listen, I think hear a wolf.

**Random wolf:** ARHOOOO

(supposedly-scary nighttime music playing)

**Link:** Eek!

**Navi:** Hurry! The gate to the castle grounds closes when the sun goes down!

**Link:** Damn! _(runs up to drawbridge just as it closes)_ FRIGGIN DOOR! SCREW YOU!

**Skeleton:** ARRRRR _(sound of bones coming out of ground)_

**Link:** EEK!!! _(runs and hides in bushes)_

**Navi:** Hum dee dum _(watches Link get murdered)_

**Link:** THIS IS FOR MY POINTY EARS! _(slashes at skeletons until daylight)_

(Hyrule Field at dawn music commences)

**Link:** _(wearily)_ Gee, night is sure longer than day!

**Navi:** For you, maybe! _(smirks)_

**Link:** _(shrugs)_

**

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AT THE MARKET

(catchy market music plays)

**Navi:** Dum dum, dum dum dee dum, dum dum dum dum dee dum! Dum dum…

**Link:** Shut the hell up and ge- hey! THE HAPPY MASK SHOP!

**Navi:** Those masks are WAY over priced. Don't buy one Lin-

**Link:** I'd like two Keeton masks please!

**Happy Mask Guy:** Become happy today! I'm a hyper moron! Mwehehehe!

**Link:** Thank you!

**Navi:** Why'd you get two?

**Link:** So we can both be happy! _(straps on mask and then straps mask on Navi)_

**Navi:** _(flies around looking like a flying pikachu head)_ AIEEE! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF, DAMMIT!

**Link:** Aww, Navi, you look so ADORABLE!

**Navi:** That is NOT the look I am going for!

**Link:** _(shrugs)_

**

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IN THE BAZAAR

(shop music)

**Navi:** We can get all this stuff out in the open, loser. Let's leave.

**Link:** Wait! I can't help but think that Hylian Shield is important somehow…

**Navi:** _(drags him out of shop)_

**

* * *

**

THE TEMPLE OF TIME

(Temple of Time music plays)

**Link:** Crap, this place is freaky. Am I destined to come here?

**Navi:** Personally, I think you are destined to go to a mental hospital. Can we go now? You aren't supposed to be in this friggin place yet!

**Link:** _(shrugs)_

**

* * *

**

BACK AT THE MARKET

(Catchy market music plays)

**Navi:** Uh, Link, we are supposed to be at the castle.

**Link:** Oh yeah!

**

* * *

**

AT THE CASTLE

(whatever music that plays here plays, I think Hyrule Field)

**Random guard:** Hey, you! Kid! Stop! _(throws him out)_

**

* * *

**

OUTSIDE THE CASTLE

**Link:** _(hits ground)_ oof!

**Navi:** We will have to find another way! Damn!

**Link:** _(sees Malon) _Hey, wassup?

**Malon:** Not much, you? My name is Malon. Oh, yeah, my dad is missing. Take this egg. I own a ranch. Bye! _(starts singing Epona's Song)_

**Link:** _(staring after her dreamily) _Man, she's a hottie! Hey, Navi, vines! I think they are important somehow…

**Navi:** Try climbing them, moron.

**Link:** _(climbs up vines and sees Gossip Stone) (hits with sword)_ Coolio!

**Stone:** The time is 11:11:11. I the world will explode in 5… 4…

**Link:** _(runs away)_

**

* * *

**

OUTSKIRTS OF HYRULE CASTLE

**Navi:** Hey, listen, a ladder. Climb down it to get into the castle.

**Link:** Nah, I'd rather jump. _(jumps)_

**

* * *

**

OUTSIDE THE CASTLE

**Navi:** Link! You just jumped back to where we started!

**Link:** Damn!

**

* * *

**

OUTSKIRTS OF HYRULE CASTLE

_(many tries later)_

**Navi:** I dunno 'bout you, but I give up.

**Link:** Wait! I have a plan!

_(some time later)_

**Random Guard 1:** Hey, I think I hear something!

**Random Guard 2:** Yeah. Sounds like chicken.

**Random Guards:** _(see a stampede of chickens storming towards them) _AIEEEE _(run away)_

**Link:** Mwahahaha! That flock of runaway chickens I conveniently found sure came in handy!

**

* * *

**

HYRULE CASTLE GROUNDS

**Link:** Are we there yet?

**Navi:** Hey, what's that guy doing over there?!

**Talon:** _(snore snore grunt grunt)_ Malon…. egg….. _(grunt)_ …ranch… moo.

**Link:** Hey, he said that cute girl's name! And he said egg! Hey, that hot girl gave me an egg! _(takes egg out of item select screen and places on right arrow button)_ There. That ought to hold it.

**Link:**_ (presses right arrow button)_

**Egg:** _(hatches)_

**Chicken (formerly Egg):** cluck cluck cluck SQUACK!

**Navi:** Oh. Wonderful.

**Talon:** _(snore) (grunt)_ Wahh…? Hey! Malon! I must've overslept! _(runs crazily down hill)_

**Link:** That was awkward.

**Navi:** Ditto.

**

* * *

**

IN THE COURTYARD/GARDENS

**Link:** Wow. I can't believe I figured out how to place all those boxes in the correct order and climb through the waterfall/gutter/hole/thing and make my way up here.

**Navi:** Whadda ya talkin' about? All we did was- Hey. There are guards.

**Link:** Oh, okay. Can I run through the gardens yet? Zelda's on the other side.

**Navi:** Noooooo… You can't get caught by the guards.

**Link:** Oh, right. CHICKENS - CHARGE!


	6. Princess Pox

The ORIGINAL Legendary Bloopers!

**Six:** Princess Pox

**

* * *

**

CASTLE GARDEN CLEARING

(Zelda's lullaby playing softly in background)

**Link:** Well, that was good! Now all we have to do is go find Zelda!

**Navi:** _(reading 'Nintendo Power' players guide)_ Zelda is supposed to be in this garden, by that window, right there. _(points)_

**Link:** _(looks over to the window and sees blueberry bush) _That ain't Zelda! _(eats a berry)_ Uhnn… I don't feel too good…

**Navi:** _(sighs)_ Hey, listen, who's that?! _(points to window)_

**Link:** You mean the orange-haired freaky gay guy with issues?

**Navi:** _(bonks head)_ Of course! That's the Gerudo Thief Lord Ganondorf!

**Link:** I knew that.

**

* * *

**

AS SEEN IN THE WINDOW

**Ganondorf:** Blah blah, blah blah blah.

**King:** Blah blah! Blah blah blah blah blah?

**Ganondorf:** Blah. _(bows and leaves)_

**

* * *

**

CASTLE GARDEN CLEARING

**Link:** Hey, Navi, look! In a window parallel to ours on the other side of that room! It's Zelda! And she's staring at me... from the opposite clearing…

**Navi:** Damn dumbass.

**Scene:** _(blacks out)_

**Link:** Eep!

**

* * *

**

CASTLE COURTYARDS/GARDENS

**Navi:** Damn. Nice going, moron.

**Link:** What the hell!? Not my fault there are two courtyards both overlooking that room!

**Navi:** There's only one thing to do…

**Link:** CHICKENS…!

**

* * *

**

IN THE OTHER CLEARING

(Zeldas lullaby playing softly in background)

**Link:** Well, that was good! Now all we have to do is go find Zelda!

**Navi:** _(reading 'Nintendo Power' players guide)_ Zelda is supposed to be in this garden, by that window, right there. _(points)_

**Link:** _(looks over to the window and sees girl covered in red bumps) _That ain't Zelda! She's supposed to be pretty!

**Person who ain't Zelda:** I am Zelda, Princess of Hyrule. Who are you?! And, duh, I am the most beautiful girl you have ever seen! _(blinks long-eyelashes at him)_

**Link:** Uh, I'm Link.

**Navi:** I'm invisible.

**Zelda:** Nice to meet you. What'd ya want?

**Link:** Well, I could totally answer that if you weren't covered in red bumps. They make you look ugly.

**Zelda:** About that… I have, like, the chicken pox!

**Link and Navi:** _(back away)_

**Zelda:** Don't worry, by now, you'll have caught it too… what did you say you wanted again? _(scratches bump on forehead)_

**Link:** Remember me? You called me cute! _(grins)_

**Navi:** We're actually here on orders from the Great Deku Tree.

**Zelda:** _(frowns)_ When did I call you cute?

**Link:** In this dream where that freaky gay guy with issues _(points to window) _was riding after you and this other lady… she was ugly.

**Impa:** Excuse me?

**Zelda:** You mean you had that dream too? In my dream, you called ME cute!

**Link:** Uggh.

**Zelda:** Anyway,

(important legend music begins to play)

**Zelda:** _(in a Legendary-Important-Long-Annoying-Story voice)_ I have a prophecy that a fairy boy from the forest will come to Hyrule and sav-

**Navi:** Uh.. no.

(Music shuts off. Zelda's lullaby resumes)

**Link:** Ditto.

**Zelda:** Fine. Well, take this letter and go see the Gorons on Life Mountain or something.

**Impa:** _(from the doorway)_ Death Mountain. Either way, you aren't leaving until I teach you this song -

**Link:** _(gulp)_

**Navi:** _(smirk)_

**Impa:** _(plays Zelda's Lullaby)_ This is called Zelda's Nightmare. It's the secretly exposed melody of the Royal Family.

**Link:** _(nervously)_ Cool. Bye!

**Navi:** Link, mind you manners. _(giggle) _You can't leave 'til you play the song.

**Link:** Holy crap, no! _(flees the scene)_

**Zelda:** _(calling after him)_ Wait, young hero! You must save me from the wrath of Chicken Pox, since you, too, have been exposed!

**Impa:** _(shakes head wearily)_ See what I have to put up with?

**Navi:** I feel your pain. _(flies after Link)_

**

* * *

**

HYRULE FIELD, ONCE MORE

**Link: **_(scratches small bump on stomach) _Prolly just a mosquito bite.


	7. Stuck

empress... yet again! thanx peeps! oh and please please please if you are a fan of this story you will most certainly enjoy my wind waker parody, **legendary bloopers goes cel-shaded**, which is certainly just as funny if not more. beware the swedish fish! lol and also if you liked this fic you'll like... **Macarena of Time by alexia da Cheesemaster**! join link and a moo moo charmer in an epic quest to save... hyrule. i think. lmao its great! :P

**Ny: **omg! attacked by chickens! gasp! its a miracle you survived! lol oh and i looked up obnoctioness... its defined as: a word used by obnoxious people when they try to describe obnoxious (aka nysoku) beware! lmao jk. and wait a minute.. ur luthien? my old reviewer?! really??? man, am i slow! hey luthien! good to talk to you again :P

**cons (friend irl): **no need to get mad, cons! im glad he called it stupid! i support honest reviews! :P

**alexia:** yup, an itty bitty misquito bite.. lol and yeah its great u got macarena of time up! hey anybody whos reading this go read macarena of time by alexia! woo!

**cons: **ha. ha. ha. lol yeah i hate kaepora gaebora. dont we all? lmao and i beilive i explained the chap 4 title to you online. u r sooo slow! lol :P

**flamesage: **thanx so much! im real glad you liked it! dont wry i plan to make each chap more n more funny... so far ive gotten it done up to chap 9 and its pretty good

**hylian heroine: **lmao yup the keeton mask has a startling resemblance to a certain pokemon... kinda.. sorta... not really. but hey! and yes, more adventures await link on death mountain... although that isnt until chapter 10, when link must dance it out on ddr with darunia. wait n see! lol

* * *

The ORIGINAL Legendary Bloopers!

**Seven: **Stuck

* * *

**HYRULE FIELD**

**(ACTUALLY HYRULE CASTLE DRAWBRIDGE)**

(Hyrule Field music playing)

**Navi: **Link, let's go. Dammit, Link, if you caught those Chicken Pox, I'm gonna…

**Link:** Just some bug bites, Navi. _(rubs ointment on skin)_ Anyway, go where, back to the friggin tree?!

**Navi:** hold it, hold it, no! NO! That tree is dead, remember?! Now we must go to um… Lon Lon Ranch!

**Link:** Why there? Don't we have to go get the Spiritual Stone of Fire or something from those rock-eating crappy… things?!

**Navi:** Gorons. No, that can wait. I feel like going to Lon Lon Ranch because… um… _(flips through Nintendo power guide)_ uh… that hot girl you met at the castle is there! And I want to get some Lon Lon milk. Yup, that's it. _(sighs)_

**Link:** Zelda ain't hot. Oh, you mean Malon! Okay, lets go!!! _(smiles happily and puts on Keeton mask)_

**Navi:** _(rolls eyes)_ It's that way.

**Link:** What? No, no, no. Lon Lon Ranch is THAT way. I'm sure!

**Navi:** Nope. Straight ahead!

**Link:** Wait… did you say Lon Lon MILK?

**Navi:** Yeah, you're a little slow, aren't you?

**Link:** Humph. Well, hot or not, I can't go there! I'm allergic to Lon Lon milk!!!!!

**Navi:** Oh yeah. Crap. Well, just don't drink any. Look, we have to go there. It says so in the guide.

**Link:** Oh, the guide. Well okay then!

**Navi:** Told ya so. Let's go, then. Straight.

**Link:** Left.

**Navi: **Right.

**Link:** Northeast!

**Navi:** Um. Backwards!

**Link:** Yeah!

**Random Wolf:** ARHOOOO

(Hyrule Field at night tune)

**Link:** Eep…

**Drawbridge:** Creak creak creak… _(starts to slowly go upward with Link and Navi on it)_

**Navi:** _(flys off into Hyrule Field)_ Jump, Link, JUMP! We can still make it to Lon Lon Ranch before the skeletons come out!

**Link:** _(sitting there)_ Nooo I don't wannnaaaaa

**Navi:** JUMP, DAMMIT!

**Drawbridge:** _(closes)_ Creak.

**Skeleton:** Arrr

**Navi:** Link? LINK! Oh crap, I'm _stuck_ out here! _(looks around and sees moat)_ Fly, wings, fly!

**Skeleton:** ARRRRR _(chases Navi)_

**Navi: **Almost… there…

**

* * *

**

MARKETPLACE

(market at night plays)

**Link:** Navi? NAVI! Oh crap, I'm _stuck_ in here_! (looks around deserted Hyrule Castle market and sees dog)_ DOGGIE! _(runs off and follows it)_

**Dog:** Bark bark! _(runs toward Back Alley)_

**Link:** Wait up, doggie! _(smiling crazily)_

**

* * *

**

HYRULE FIELD

(Hyrule Field at night playing)

**Navi:** It's ok, Navi, It's ok. Just stay over the moat and they can't hurt you.

**Skeleton:** ARRRRR _(jumps into moat and snatches at Navi)_

**Navi:** WHAT THE HELL?! THEY CAN SWIM?! EEEEEEEEKKKKK

**

* * *

**

BACK ALLEY

(whatever)

**Link:** Doggie?! Doggie?! Where are we going, huh?

**Dog:** Woof!

**Link: **Okay… well don't worry, Linkys here! _(sees door in house) _A door! Let's go in here doggie!

**

* * *

**

IN BACK ALLEY HOUSE

(house music plays)

**Woman:** _(screaming)_ THAT'S NOT MY DOG! HOW COULD YOU HAVE MISTAKEN RICHARD FOR SUCH A MANGY MUTT! OUT!

**Dog:** _(cowers, tail behind legs)_ whimper whimper cry cry

**Link:** Aww, look what you've done! Insulted the poor thing and won't even tell me what blasted color your damn dog is!

**Woman:** …

**Link:** … _(looks at her with sad eyes)_

**Woman:** Your kind words have inspired me to dump Richard and take this cute, cute doggie. Yayness!

**Link:** YAYNESS! _(becomes businesslike all the sudden) _That will be 89 rupees, please.

**Woman:** Excuse me? _(rubs dog's belly) _

**Link:** Well, the dog is mine, and you're keeping it. 89 rupees please.

**Woman:** _(thinking in head - well, that's not 90, in the 80's, pretty cheap… yeah.. hmm…) (to dog in cooey baby voice)_ Mummy do anyfing for liddle Wichard, won't she, Wichard? Yeah.. you better than the last Richard… _(to Link)_ I'll do it, boy. _(hands him 89 rupees)_

**Link:** _(in head -WAHOO!!) (to Woman) _Thank you very much, Madam. Pleasure doing business with you. _(leaves)_

**

* * *

**

HYRULE FIELD

(Hyrule at night)

**Navi:** _(to skeleton)_ You know how that kid makes me feel? Like friggin crap. I just wanna kill him with that damn sword of his… stick it through one friggin pointy ear and out the other… heh…

**Skeleton:** Arr?

**Navi: **You got it. Damn that kid. So, what's your life problem?

**Skeleton:** _(looks sad)_ No one is ever scared of me. You and that kid are my only successes. And even youse two ain't scared no more.

**Navi:** And how does that make you feel?

**Skeleton:** Well, it makes me feel sad and like a failure. I'll never graduate and become a real Stalfo. WAAAHHH _(sobs)_

**Navi:** _(looks sympathetic)_ Oh, don't worry; you'll make a great Stalfo. You just have to work on those growls. Make 'em capitalized! And don't bite your claws. They make you look tacky, not scary.

**Skeleton:** Really? That's easy. I feel better already. _(looks up, stops crying)_ Wow, I'll work on that… what did you say your name was? _(smiles)_

**Navi:** I'm Navi. And you are..?

**Skeleton:** I'm Arthur! You can call me Arty.

**Navi:** Well, I'm very happy to help you, Arty. Why don't you just call your friends off and then… _(sees the other skeletons)_

**Skeletons:** _(lined up behind Arthur, looking pleadingly at Navi)_ ME NEXT! Me next! ME ME ME! Pick me, fairy! _Navi_, over here! _(jumping up and down)_

**Random Skeleton:** Hi, I'm Francine. You can call me Franny… I have an eating disorder… can you help me? Please?

**

* * *

**

MARKETPLACE

(market at night music playing)

**Link:** Step right up, step right up! _(is standing at a booth with the words 'Hero Hounds' painted on a banner waving from above) _Come buy a Hero Hound today! _(picks random dog off the street and holds it up) _only 89 rupees!

**Random Hobo:** I'll take 2!

_(many hours later)_

**Random Rooster: **Cocka doodle doo!!

(marketplace at daytime playing)

**Drawbridge:** Creak creaky creak _(opens slowly)_ bang! _(hits ground)_

**Link:** _(looking sleepy)_ Only one… Hero Hound… left… name is Richard, white, spoiled, yippy. Discount… 69 rupees…something-percent-off… uhnn…

**Random Guard:** Hey! Is that Lady so-and-so from the back alley's dog, Richard?! THIEF!!! THEIF!!! _(runs at Link)_

**

* * *

**

HYRULE FIELD

(Hyrule Field at morning playing)

**Navi:** _(looking sleepy) _Anybody else? Anybody?

**Arthur:** Nope, but thanks Navi! _(is sinking into the ground)_ BYE!

**Francine:** Thank you, Navi! _(sinks into ground)_

**Skeletons:** BYE!!! THANKS!! _(disappear into ground and are gone)_

**Navi:** _(sniff)_ my only… friends…

**

* * *

**

MARKET

(same catchy market music playing: do do do do de do…)

**Link:** No, no, I swear! Hey! Listen_! (in head - oh sages I sound like that friggin Navi) (runs towards drawbridge, followed by stampede of angry guards, townspeople, and dogs)_

**

* * *

**

HYRULE FIELD

(same old, same old)

**Navi:** I must do like Arty said… I have to face my problems - mainly that friggin kid… I better hurry before I chicken out and go get a job as a shrink somewhere. _(sighs and flies toward drawbridge)_

**

* * *

**

HYRULE CASTLE DRAWBRIDGE

(actually the music didn't change)

**Link and Navi:** Oof! _(crash into each other) _

**Link:** NAVI!

**Navi:** LINK!

**Link:** I need you to help me there's people they think I ripped them off which I did but anyway the guards are after me and -

**Navi:** _(at the same time) _I need you to help me see I need to tell you how I feel I think it will better our relationship see I feel hurt and want to swear when you set me on fire and -

**Angry mob:** GET THAT KID! GET THAT FAIRY!

**Link and Navi:** AIEEEEE _(run towards Lon Lon Ranch, which by the way is northeast from the castle, I believe)_

**Angry Mob: **_(chase them off into the distance)_

**Random Guard:** _(to other Random Guard)_ Did I miss something?

* * *

**a/n: **this is the last chapter i had up on the stie before this fanfic was delted off the site last summer... the next chapter is what got it deleted... anyways, i just wanted to say to any of me old fans, from this point on, it will all be new material! lol 


	8. Randomness Shall Prevail

**The ORIGINAL Legendary Bloopers!**

**Seven Point Five:** Randomness Shall Prevail

* * *

Empress here! This is chapter 7 point 5! For those of you out there who are mathematically slow, this is chapter 7 and a half, the chapter that takes place roughly between Chapter 7, Stuck, and Chapter 8, Hottie with a Horse. 

I would like to take this opportunity to enlighten you with a few things you can expect in the coming chapters. Chapter 7 was, in fact, the last real chapter in the first book of Legendary Bloopers. Chapter 8 will begin the next book, which is called Legendary Bloopers: Randomness Prevails. This will all be part of one fanfiction, but Legendary Bloopers is, in fact, divided into three parts.

In Randomness Prevails, you should totally NOT expect Link to take on King Dondongo. You should be completely oblivious to the fact that Link will visit Malon, the love of his life, at Lon Lon Ranch, and you most certainly must not anticipate anything funny, such as Darunia doing Dance Dance Revolution, in the coming chapters. You will most likely be surprised to find that Saria is secretly a commander of a force of Deku Scrubs in the Lost Woods. Yes, it's true; you do not know any of the fun and interesting things that are to come. Man, are you naïve.

* * *

The following sequences are approved for all audiences, and basically consist of Link and Navi lamely commenting on chapter 8 of Legendary Bloopers. Link and Navi, take it away! 

FYI: the things in italics are the parts of the chapter that Link and Navi are commenting on, kay?

**

* * *

Link:** _(eating a bag of Swedish fish)_ munch munch munch this chapter sure is filled with randomness! 

"_**Random Horse:** neigh._

_**Random Cow:** moo._

_**Random Chicken:** squawk! cluck cluck cluck squawk!_

_**Random Pig:** oink._

_**Navi:** There aren't any pigs at Lon Lon Ranch!"_

**

* * *

Link:** OMG! This chapter has even got cheese! Well, its got dairy products… 

**Navi:** 'omg' is a girl thing, stupid.

**Link:** Like you would know!

"_**Navi:** You never said you were allergic to Lon Lon Milk!_

_**Link:** Did too! I TOLD you in the Great Deku Nut that I was allergic to that gunk! It gives me a rash!_

_**Navi:** Well, you never said an ITCHY rash!"_

**

* * *

Link:** It's even got some fear hidden in it, behind the scenes! Who would've guessed? 

**Navi:** Certainly not you.

"_**Epona:** NEIGH!!!! (rears and won't move, terrified)_

_**Link:** Why isn't she going anywhere? _

_**Epona:** NEIGH!!!! (rears and looks petrified)_

_**Navi:** Why does she look so terrified?_

_**Epona:** NEIGH!!!! (refuses offered grass that lays in front of her, all around her actually)_

_**Ingo:** Why won't she eat any grass??!!_

_**Malon:** Well, it is a little embarrassing, but… Epona is afraid of grass."_

**

* * *

Link:** This chapter's got it all! I mean, romance! Seriously! 

"_**Link:** (smiling idiotically) Malon, I think you are the cutest girl EVA!!!!!!_

_**Navi:** You really gotta work on it, kid. That doesn't sound romantic… that sounds friggin lame!"_

**

* * *

Navi:** _(hits Link over the head)_ Ha! My turn! This here chapter's action packed! 

"_**Talon:** Almost got it! You have one more chicken to find and the clock is ticking!_

_**Link:** (breathing heavily) (chases chickens) THAT ONE! THAT ONE! GET BACK HERE!_

_**Clock:** Tic tic tic tic tic tic…_

_**Link:** (jumps matrix-style slo-mo over a haystack and grabs last chicken)_

_**Clock:** tic tic tic… TOCK!"_

**

* * *

Navi:** And of course, this chapter's got plenty of humor, but still. Hottie with a Horse, or chapter 8, is like, the best yet. 

**Link:** _(wakes up) _Yeah, totally!

"_**Random Cow:** MOO!"_

* * *

So, from Link, Navi, and Empress, stay tuned for scenes from the next Amazing Race! No, really. Keep reading n reviewing, and stay tuned! 

Toodles!

Empress, aka the author that you will most certainly put on your faves list! :P


	9. Hottie with a Horse

Empress here! Okay, lessee here...

**barbarian655:** thanx! glad you like it! :P

**Pinky: **yay, its pinky! lol yeah a lot of people say they like the part with the happy mask shop... ugh that place is so freaking scary!

**Pinky:** lol i luv stuck, it was my fave chapter to write! and yes, i promise to update both of my fics. promise! (crosses fingers)

**Raven's Wolf:** im glad to see someone who actualy lieks raven from teen titans! seriously, robin gets all the hype but ravens got the best powers, lol. Anyways, thanx and glad you like my story! i love link's allergies, too glad you liked... and about script format, well, I'm hoping to dodge that one. Legendary Bloopers would never be the same if I changed it to another format.. hmm. thanx for the warning.

**Ny:** i am updating! i try to update frequently, i really do! lol :P

**Pinky:** sizzle

**cons:** thanx for reviewing, hurry and get on aim

**Alexia:** eastnorth, it is! lmao i cant wait im writing the ddr thing now.. darunia doing ddr... priceless. lmao and i reviewed ur story... like 3 times! yay!

**Alexia:** hmmm maybe i should use napoleon dynamite lmao

**INSANEmnky:** ;P glad you like the random cow, thanx for your review! wow, you really are insane, lol! its hard to tell what your saying but thats still cool! ill check your story out when it comes up.

fic time! thanx to all my reviewers! :P

* * *

**Legendary Bloopers: Randomness Prevails**

**Chapter 8:** Hottie with a Horse

**

* * *

**

HYRULE FIELD

(guess what music is here?)

**Link:** What was it you were saying earlier, huh, Navi? Huh?

**Navi:** Notin'; now shut up and get moving.

**Link:** Awww, tell me or I won't get moving to Bon Bon Ranch or whatever the crap it's called… so there.

**Navi**: Only if you tell me where you got all those rupees, and its Lon Lon Ranch, you friggin idiot. _(exasperated sigh)_

**Link:** …which way to Lon Lon Ranch again?

**Navi:** Just follow the singing!

**Link:** Oh. Kay.

**

* * *

**

LON LON RANCH

(Epona's song/Lon Lon Ranch music)

**Random Horse:** neigh.

**Random cow: **moo.

**Random Chicken:** squawk! cluck cluck cluck squawk!

**Random Pig:** oink

**Navi:** There aren't any pigs at Lon Lon ranch!

**Link:** Now look what you've done, dammit. We show up here at ole Lon Lon like you said and everyone gives us shifty looks or whatever.

**Everyone:** _(shifty eyes)_

**Link:** See?

**Navi:** 'Everyone' is the cows, stupid. Unless you care what they think of you, screw it and find the stables. It can't be that hard.

**Link:** Stables…?

**Navi:** Malon… horses… ring any bells?

**Link:** Oh yeah! _(enters door to where Talon is)_

**Navi:** The horses will be outside, dork! Where the crap are you going?

**

* * *

**

INSIDE THE HOUSE/BARN

(house music)

**Talon:** Hey, how can I help you, forest boy?

**Link:** Uh, where's Malon?

**Talon:** I was just getting to that! She's out in the riding coral.

**Link:** Okay, thanks, farmer dude! _(Proceeds to walk out door)_

**Talon:** Be sure to return when you come back!

**

* * *

**

RIDING CORAL/STABLE AREA

(Epona's song)

**Malon:** oooOOOOooOooooOOOoooOOO… **_(a/n - this is my way of writing Malon singing Epona's song, kay? lol)_**

**Link:** What the crap?

**Navi:** _(in Malon's ear) _SNAP OUT OF IT, LOSER!

**Malon:** oooOOOOooo- oh! Did you need something, fairy boy?

**Link:** It's Link, and… um… woah! What the heck is that… THING?!

**Epona:** NEIGH!!!!

**Malon:** _(insulted)_ That's Epona, my horsie! You can call her by playing this song I sing every second of every da-

**Epona:** NEIGH!!!! _(rears and won't move, terrified)_

**Link:** A horse, huh? Why isn't she going anywhere, then?

**Epona:** NEIGH!!!! _(rears and looks petrified)_

**Navi:** Why does she look so terrified? Link, give the nice horsie some… uh… grass, yeah.

**Link:** _(bends down to pick up grass)_

**Malon:** NOOO!!! Don't do it-

**Epona:** NEIGH!!!! _(refuses Link's offered grass, the very same grass that lays in front of her, all around her actually)_

**Ingo:** Why won't she eat any grass, twerp?! _(sneers at Malon)_

**Link: **Where did that creep come from?

**Ingo:** _(looks at him menacingly)_

**Malon:** Well, it is a little embarrassing, but… Epona is afraid of grass.

**Link:** _(raises eyebrows)_

**Navi:** _(raises virtually nonexistent eyebrows)_

**Ingo:** _(sneers and raises eyebrows)_

**Malon:** What? Did I miss something?

**

* * *

**

LATER, AT THE RANCH

(Lon Lon Ranch tunes!)

**Navi:** Well, that went well.

**Link:** Yup. Hey whatcha got there? Did you waste some of my hard earned rupees, eh? It took me _oodles_ of time to get all those.

**Navi:** I didn't buy anything. This ticket I've got basically claims we're bankrupt.

**Link:** What happened to all those rupees I got selling dogs????

**Navi:** _(gulps and turns red)_ you… dropped them along the way….?

**Link:** arrggghhhhh

_(five minutes later)_

**Navi:** I confess! I needed some expensive hair spray!

**

* * *

**

THE LON LON RANCH HOUSE

(House music)

**Navi:** Look, mister, we need some Lon Lon Milk, and fast. According to the almighty guide, we have to pick some up before heading to Dondongo's Cavern.

**Link:** Stop reading ahead! And I thought I said that I was allerg-

**Talon:** Hmm… Lon Lon Milk, eh? Well, if you play a game for 10 rupees…

**Link:** That's all we got. We'll do it. I think. Right, Navi?

**Navi:** Here goes nothing…

_(a few tries later…)_

**Navi:** Link, this is your 16th try. Give up all ready and get a refund.

**Link:** Wait! I can do it this time!!

_(tick tock tick tock tick tock… hours later)_

**Talon:** Almost got it! You have one more chicken to find and the clock is ticking!

**Link:** _(breathing heavily) (chases chickens)_ THAT ONE! THAT ONE! GET BACK HERE! I HAVE TO BEAT IT THIS TIME!

**Navi:** You better. 103 tries is enough.

**Clock:** Tic tic tic tic tic tic…

**Link:** _(jumps matrix-style slo-mo over a haystack and grabs last chicken)_

**Clock:** tic tic tic… TOCK!

**Link:** Awww…

**Talon:** I'm sick of watching you anyway, so take the milk, kid.

**Link:** Yay! Da da da duunnn!!! You… or I, I guess… got Lon Lon Milk, a replenishing drink that replenishes energy. Coolio!

**Navi:** Let's go, shall we?

**

* * *

**

THE CORNER OF THE STABLES

(Epona's song)

**Link:** Hmmm… Ok, let's practice.

**Navi:** Practice what?

**Link:** My marriage proposal to Malon, 'o course!

**Navi:** Great. Out with it, I suppose.

**Link:** _(smiling idiotically) _Malon, I think you are the cutest girl EVA!!!!!!

**Navi:** You _really _gotta work on it, kid. That doesn't sound romantic… that sounds friggin lame!

**Link:** Aww.

**Link:** So I guess I should go over there now before she leaves… hey, what's that?

**Navi:** Huh?

**Link:** This small red bump beginning to grow on my elbow!

**Navi:** Uhhh… a rash?

**Link:** Damn! That's it! I'm allergic to Lon Lon Milk! It gives me a rash, I think…

**Navi:** You never said you were allergic to Lon Lon Milk!

**Link:** Did too! I TOLD you in the Great Deku Nut that I was allergic to that gunk! It gives me a rash! Hey, this itches. _(scratch scratch scratch)_

**Navi:** Well, then, you never said an ITCHY rash!

**Link:** Hmmmm, I suppose I didn't… although I don't remember this particular rash being itchy…

**

* * *

**

RIDING CORAL/STABLES

(Still Epona's Song)

**Link:** Here goes everything… _(walks up to Malon)_

**Malon:** ooooOOOOooooOooOOOOoooOoOoo…

**Link:** Malon, uh, I, uh, ummm..

**Malon:** oooOOOoooooOOOOOOoooOooOOOo….

**Link:** Yes, umm, I think, um I guess I think you are kinda… er, n-um… pretty, I guess.. uh, erm…

**Malon:** OOOooooOOOooooooo…

**Link:** Well yeah great so um okay then?

**Malon:** Huh?

**Link:** Yes, or no? Uh..

**Malon:** Yes, what? You say something?

**Link:** She said yes! She said yes! _(jumps up and down)_

**Malon:** _(looks perplexed)_ Sure… ooooOOOOOoooOOoo..

**Navi:** _(drags Link off)_

**Malon:** oooOOOOooooooOOooOoooo…


	10. Lost and Found

guess who? okay, the usual crap..

**cons:** that was hardly a review, ctard. OOOooooOOOoooO

**pinky:** lol, ur not supposed to know that yet! bo, really. Navi's got a black market, but its not for hair and its in later chappies! :P glad you liked it!

**alexia:** lol, yes, return when you come back. ha! lmao i cant wait to see rutos face... or well, write about it. tehe. and yes, malon is best for link. zelda is a physopathic moron with chicken pox!

**ny:** this is actually the last chappie i've already got written... gasp! im actually gonna have to write the next one! oh no!

**mole:** thanx! im realy glad you liked it :P

**steven:** thanx so much im glad you liked! thanx for the rating i appreciate it.. and im sorry you thought chap 8 wasnt as good, but... u see i hadnt written legendary bloopers since july when i sat down to continue it, so it was hard to pick up back where i left off. hopefully you like this chap! oh, and i do have more fics.. 2 more, actually. check 'em out!

**insanemnky:** lmao yeah links got major issues, but navi's worse.... trust me on that one. :P lol

**raven's wolf:** sry you didnt like it as much... see steven's review commentary for details. hope you like this one though! and yes, raven kicks ass! woo! :P

**

* * *

**

**Legendary Bloopers: Randomness Prevails**

**Chapter Nine: **Lost and Found

**

* * *

**

HYRULE FIELD

(it's pretty obvious, come on folks)

**Link:** She said yes! Now, Navi, give me that money back so I can buy an engagement ring 'n stuff. Okay?

**Navi:** How 'bout no?

**Link:** Fiinnneee. Where to?

**Navi:** _(Looks at guide, but is holding it upside down)_

**Link:** It's upside down.

**Navi:** I know that!

**Link:** …

**Navi:** There's a page missing, and I can't make heads or tails of this crap!

**Link:** Well, what does it say?

**Navi:** It says: 'Go to the Lost Woods and- Look at the map on the following page so you don't- You need to learn - it's smudged - before going to-'

**Link:** Well, Lost Woods it is then!

**Navi:** But we don't have a map!

**Link:** Looks on the next page, Nav.

**Navi:** It's missing, moron!!

**Link:** Oh yeah. Hmm.

**Navi**: Oh, wait, in fine print here its like: 'Another map can be found on page 56'.

**Link:** Well good. Let's go. _(scratches bump on elbow and bump on stomach)_

**

* * *

**

KOKIRI FOREST

(Kokiri forest)

**Mido:** Where ya going, freak?

**Link:** I dunno.

**Navi:** _(sigh)_ Which way to the Lost Woods, Mido?

**Mido:** Why would I tell you????

**Navi:** _(whispers in his ear and slips him something)_

**Mido:** _(glances down at the bottle of expensive hair spray she gave him) (points and grins)_

**Navi:** Let's go, Link.

**

* * *

**

THE LOST WOODS

(some kinda Saria's song remix renamed 'the lost woods')

**Link:** Okay, let's be extra careful so we don't get lost.

**Navi:** We already are! Now be quiet so I can look at this map.

**Link:** Why are we even here? What are we supposed to be looking for or doing, anyway?

**Navi:** I dunno, that's all on the page that's ripped out. Now SHUT UP so I can read this map. Hrrmm. I think we go left.

**Link:** Straight. I'm sure that it's straight. Give me that! _(reaches for the guide)_

**Navi:** _(flies higher)_ no!!

**Link:** _(jumps up to catch it) _yes!!

**Navi:** _(flies just out of his reach)_ nanananana!

**Link:**_ (jumps up and down furiously)_

**Camera:** _(pulls back to observe scene)_

**Link:** _(jumps real high and grabs it)_ GOT IT!! _(falls flat on his face and slides across the clearing with the momentum, landing sprawling in a heap on the other side) _wooooaahhh

**Nintendo Power Players Guide:** _(goes flying and lands in a bush next to one of the exit log things)_

**Navi: **The guide! The guide! Where's the guide?!

**Link:** oof. _(begins to search nearby shrubbery)_

**Navi:** You mean to say that you LOST IT?!!

**Link:** If you had just let me see it-

**Navi:** YOU MORON! NOW WE ARE REALLY LOST!!!

**Deku Scrub:** _(runs by, grabs the guide, and flees)_

**Link:** _(pointing and jumping around like a maniac) _ITS THERE! ITS THERE! AFTER HIIIIMMMMM!!!!!

_(Link and Navi chase the Deku Scrub around the Lost Woods all day. By now they have been going in circles and are rather irritable and dizzy. They are basically lost, annoyed, and not really interesting, so I won't record their adventures until…)_

**

* * *

**

SACRED FORECT HEDGE MAZE

(Lost woods remix!)

**Navi:** Which way did he go?

**Link:** I dunno! All these Deku Scrubs look the same!!

**Navi:** What do you mean 'all these deku scrubs'?!

**Link:** _(steps into hedge maze clearing and ducks a rock thrown by a deku scrub)_ We're in a hedge maze swarming with the things!!!

**Navi:** Ummm… run? (flies up and over the hedge maze)

**Link:** Cheater!!! Well since we don't know which one nabbed our guide, we'll have to destroy all of 'em!! CHARGE!!!

**

* * *

**

SACRED FOREST MEADOW

(saria's song)

_(just outside the meadow)_

**Navi:** Any luck yet?

**Link:** Screw you, Navi. No. I haven't found the dude that stole our guide.

**Navi:** Shhh!! Look! _(points to the sacred forest meadow)_

**Saria:** Good work, General Patooie! With in my possession, I shall force Link to play my song on the ocarina… PERFECTLY!!! _(evil laugh)_

**Deku Scrub (General Patooie):** _(speaking robotically)_ No problem, Saria. The fugitives are nearing the meadow. They got past the armed forces I placed in the maze. _(calling to another Deku Scrub located behind Link and Navi)_ Sergeant Spit-a-lot! Make your report!

**Deku Scrub (Sergeant Spit-a-Lot):** CODE RED! CODE RED! INTRUDER ALERT!!

**Alarm System:** _(weird alarm noises) (the meadow flashes red and metal gates lower on all the entrances, locking Link and Navi in)_

_(Deku Scrubs close in on Link and Navi and push them forward)_

**General Patooie:** _(speaking robotically)_ You are now in the presence of Master Chief Saria, commander of the Deku Scrub Force in the Lost Woods. Speak now or forever hold your peace.

**Saria:** …General Patooie, tell your forces to clear off and LEAVE! Link, well well well. hmm hmm. So you came, did you meet the Goron yet?

**Navi:** Give us back our guide, Saria!

**Link:** _(trembling)_ I'm sorry I was mean to you, Saria. Really! Wait... what Goron?

**Saria:** I will give you your guide on one condition…

**Link and Navi:** _(gulp)_

_(hours later)_

**Link:** _(sobbing)_ I... I JUST CAN'T DO IT!!!! WAAAA!! boo hoo cry cry cry _(throws ocarina at Saria in frustration) _

**Navi:** Link, come on. All you have to do is PLAY A FRIGGIN SONG!!

**Saria:** Saria's song, to be exact. _(waves guide longingly in front of their faces)_ Let's have another go, eh? _(tosses Link his ocarina)_

**Link:** _(pouts)_

**Navi:** Come ON! _(slaps Link)_

**Link:** _(whining)_ OOoohhhh…. _(wearily picks up ocarina)_

**

* * *

**

LATER, HYRULE FIELD

(Hyrule field; for goodness sake!)

**Navi:** _(humming Saria's song, tauntingly)_

**Link:** _(whirls on her)_ SHUT… UP!!!!!!!!!!

**Navi:** _(sarcastically)_ Woah.

**Link:** _(flings guide at Navi)_ Take your friggin guide. Took me long enough to get it for you!

**Navi:** Sheesh. Look, to Kakariko, all right?

**Link:** Do we have to?

**

* * *

**

KAKARIKO VILLAGE

(kakariko village. need I say more?)

**Link:** We'll play in the village later. _(grabs Navi and crushes her in his fist, he is obviously still pissed off)_ Which way?

**Navi:** Ummm… _(can't breathe)_ …up…

**Link:** _(cheerily)_ Let's go!

_(Link runs hurriedly through the village and towards the guard by the gate. He'll play around with the chickens and stuff later, no worries.)_

**Navi:** _(cough hack cough) (choking) _air….

**Link:**_ (Lets her go) _Oh yeah. Oopsie.

**Navi:** _(glares)_

* * *

stay tuned for scenes from the next amazing race! wait, nooo...

next wednesday: no, not that..

previously on ALIAS... crap, what is it?

ummm... comin' up next is...

Link's obsession with.... bomb flowers?

Navi's adventures as a prisoner of war!

Darunia doing DDR, yes i know that there is a lot of hype about that i better write it out good

annnddddd...

that's all i will reveal! its all in chapter 10: going up, so stay tuned -

empress, who may or may not be on your faves list but will be there eventually, its only a matter of time


	11. Going Up Part 1

**Legendary Bloopers: Randomness Prevails**

**Chapter 10: Going Up/The Thecret Thinithter Alliance**

**PART 1**

_

* * *

(A/N: From now until chapter 13.5, each chapter will have 2 titles. One is Link's title; the other is Navi's. Our two main characters are separated for various reasons which I shall not yet reveal. Read and find out!)_

_(A/N: Chapter 10, being immensely long, has been separated into two parts. Just so you know :P)_

**

* * *

**

THE OUTSKIRTS OF KAKARIKO

(kakariko, duuuhhh)

**Link:** Errr… soooo…

**Guard:** Soooo… Just give me the letter already.

**Link:** _(shifty eyes) (slips him letter all spy-like and secretive) (whispering) _You can never be too careful… there are bad types all over the place these days, mate. _(glances in Navi's direction warily)_

**Navi:** _(rolls eyes)_ Okay, I've had enough of this, Agent Link. _(glares at Link mockingly)_ Who here wants to see Darunia doing DDR?

**Link, Random Guard, and other Random Passerby(s): **I do!

**Author:** I don't!

**Navi:** Shut up. Okay, sooooo….

**Link and Random Guard:** sooooo…

**Navi:** Arrgh.

**Link:** Soooooo let's go see Darunia doing DDR.

**Author:** I REALLY don't want to, guys.

**Navi:** _(ignores her)_ C'mon, Link. _(Flies lopsidedly past the gate)_

**Link:** _(1 foot behind her)_ WAIT FOR ME!!!!!!!

**

* * *

**

DEATH MOUNTAIN TRAIL

(Hyrule field)

**Navi:** Hey! Listen! Up ahead there's a-

**Link:** EEEEKKK!!!! A SPIDER!!!!! ACHOO! ACHOO!

**Navi:** It's a tektite, moron. You really shouldn't be sneezing. Eew! _(gets sprayed with snot)_

**Link:** Help meeee!!!! _(flings Navi into the face of the oncoming tektite and runs away, screaming like a… well, screaming like a Link. After all, he is one.) _

**Tektite:** _(snatches Navi into its red-mouth-thingy and scuttles away)_

**Navi:** Lin-k---! _(muffled by the Tektite's red mouth thingy)_

**Link: **AIIIEEEEEEEE _(approaches rock) _OOohh, a rock. Navi! How do I get rid of it?

_(Silence)_

_(Tumbleweed rolls by)_

**Link:** NAAVVVIII??!!

* * *

(Meanwhile…)

SECRET SINISTER ALLIANCE COMMAND BASE

_(A/N: The tektites, at least in Legendary Bloopers, have a lisp… so this next part may be confusing, lol. Just in case you don't know, a lisp is a speech impediment that causes a person to say 'th' instead of 's' or 'z'.) _

(erm… secret sinister music, I guess. I dunno.)

**Navi:** uuuhhhmmmmnnnnmmmnnm, where am I?

**Tektite Guardsman: **It hath awakened, mathter.

**Royal Tektite: **Good, bring it forward!

**Tektite Guardsman (hereafter known as Bobbert):** Aye aye, thir. _(thrusts the half-awake Navi into the Royal Tektite's presence)_

**Navi:** uuuhhhmmmmnnnnmmmnnm….?

**Royal Tektite (hereafter known as Swack): **Ahem. Bobbert.

**Bobbert:** _(to Navi)_ Thilence! Thou ith now in the prethence of Thir Thwack the Thinithter. Thpeak only when athked, fairy.

**Navi:**_ (wakes up fully)_ What the crap?

**Bobbert:** _(agitated) _Thith ith Thir Thwack the-

**Swack:** It'th Thwack, you idiot, not Thwack! Jeeth, thee what I have to put up with?

**Navi:** Ermmm…

**Swack:** Now, tell me, fairy. What doeth Darunia plan to do?

**Navi:** Huh?

**Bobbert:** THILENCE! THOU MUTHT BE POLITE IN THE PRETHENCE OF THIR THWACK!

**Swack: **It'th Thwack, not Thwack! Fairy, you are a peaceful being. We of the Thecret Thinithter Alliance detetht peaceful beingth becauthe they thide with the Goronth. We of the Thecret Thinithter Alliance are prethently at war with the Goronth.

**Navi:** uhhh…

**Bobbert:** Thoooo….

**Navi:** _(gets an idea)_ Sooooo…

**Bobbert:** Thilence!

**Navi:** Hehehaha! You've got a lisp! _(smiles stupidly)_

**Bobbert:** A lithp? Thir Thwack, what'th a lithp?

**Swack: **_(looks puzzled) _I am unthure, Guardthman Bobbert. Fairy, explain to uth what a lithp ith.

**Navi:** _(breaks into fits of endless laughter) _Hehehehehehe.... hahahaha… a lithp- I mean lisp… it's…. hahahahehehe!

**Swack:** _(obviously annoyed)_ Take thith crathy being out of my prethence. Now, thoilder!

**Bobbert: **_(bows awkwardly)_ Ath you withh, mathter. _(drags the laughing Navi down the hallway and hits her over the head to get her to shut up)_

**Swack:** Yeth… Darunia hath better learn to fear uth! We of the Thecret Thinithter Alliance will win in the end, he mutht thee! Now that I've got the fairy to reveal hith thecretth, I thhall unleathh my greatetht weapon - King Dondongo! _(dun dun duuunnn!) _Guardth!

**Random Tektite Guardsman (hereafter known as Snick):** Yeth, Thir Thwack?

**Swack:** Thummon the monthter King Dondongo _(dun dun duuunnn!)_ and his minionth and theal the rock cavernth!

**Snick:** At once, mathter. _(salutes awkwardly and leaves)_

**Swack:** Yeth.. I thhall win the red thparkly thtone from the Goronth! Mwahahaha!!!

* * *

(meanwhile…)

**DEATH MOUNTAIN TRAIL**

(Hyrule field)

**Link:** _(hiding behind a rock)_ N-Navi? Did that rock just move? _(shiver)_

**Random Goron (hereafter known as Goron 1):** uuhhhnn, uuhhhnnn. _(ya know, that weird noise they make)_ Hullo? Hungry…

**Link:** AIIIIEEE NAVI IT'S A TALKING ROCK!!!!

**Link:** Oh crap. I forgot I lost Navi.

**Random Guard:** _(panting)_ pant pant Mr. Hero, you forgot… to get… a shield…. pant pant pant

**Link:** What?

**Random Guard:** Here…. take mine… pant… _(collapses as he hands Link the Hylian Sheild; which he never bought at the market thanks to Navi)_

**Link:** Heh, cool. _(shrugs)_ Thanks!

**Random Guard:** _(unconscious)_

**Goron 1:** uuuhhhhnnn, uuuhhhnnnn. Sooo… hungry… uuuhhhhnnn, uuhhhnnn.

**Link:** _(blinks)_

**Goron 1:** Oh, hullo. Have you got some food?

**Link:** Um, no. Why do you ask? _(puzzled)_

**Goron 1:** I'm a Goron. I'm hungry, 'cause the rock caverns are blocked.

**Link:** So?

**Goron 1:** I eat rocks.

**Link:** Ohhh, that explains- Huh?? You eat ROCKS?

**Goron 1:** Yup.

**Link:** _(raises eyebrows)_ So, the cave with your food is blocked?

**Goron 1:** You might say that. _(points to giant rock)_

**Link:** Hmm. Why did you block it?

**Goron 1:** _I_ didn't block it, stupid. The Secret Sinister Alliance did.

**Link:** The _who_?

**Goron 1:** Secret Sinister Alliance.

**Link:** What's that?

**Goron 1:** It's an army of mostly tektites-

**Link:** _(shudders)_ spiders…

**Goron 1:** And we're at war with them. Rumor is, they're the ones that blocked the cave and sent the dondongos back inside of it.

**Link:** Dondongos?

**Goron 1:** _(sighs) _That cave is Dondongo's Cavern.

**Link:** So, if its Dondongo's Cavern, what's the harm of having Dondongos there?

**Goron 1:** I give up. uuuhhhnnn, uuhhhhhnnn. _(rolls up again)_

**Link:** Hrrrmmm. _(proceeds to walk up cliff)_

_(5 minutes later)_

**Link:** _(in the distance) _EEEKKK!!! ITS COMING RIGHT FOR MEEEEEEEEEE _(runs away from rolling Goron)_

* * *

(meanwhile…)

**SECRET SINISTER ALLIANCE COMMAND BASE - BARRACKS**

(nothing)

**Bobbert:** Tho then the lethther being, the fairy, it thayth to me and Thir Thwack: 'hahaha you hath a lithp!'

**Random Tektite Guardsman (Snick):** And then what? Did it thay what a lithp ith?

**Bobbert:** Nah, it didn't, Thnick. Thir Thwack thent it away before it could tell uth.

**Snick:** Awww, ratth!

**Bobbert:** _(sigh)_ I thure withh it had, Thnick. I am awful curiouth ath to what a lithp ith.

**Swack:** _(enters the guard barracks)_ What ith the meaning of thith, thoilderth! Back to work!

**Bobbert and Snick:** Yeth, Thir Thwack. Whatever you thay, Thir Thwack.

**Swack:** How many timeth do I have to tell you?! It'th Thwack, not Thwack! Bobbert, make your report. Hath the fairy thtirred ath of yet?

**Bobbert: **Not yet, Thir Thwack.

**Swack:** Thnick, what about you? Hath the dondongoth been placed back in the cavern?

**Snick:** Yeth, Thir Thwack.

**Swack:** And the King Dondongo _(dun dun duuunnn!)_? What of him?

**Snick: **He ith in there, Thir Thwack. The cavern ith altho thealed up tightly, ath you athked. The Goronth thhould be thoon dead of thtarvation, mathter. Hahaha! Darunia will thoon learn not to methth with uth!

**Swack:** Yeth, indeed. Now, back to your pothtth, thoilderth.

**Snick and Bobbert:** _(bow)_ G'day, Thir Thwack. Thankth, Thir Thwack.

**Swack:** And remember, thoilderth:

**Snick:** Yeth, Thir Thwack?

**Bobbert: **Thir?

**Swack:** Nevermind. Back to your pothtth.

* * *

empress here. sorry it took longer for me to get this up: one, i actually had to write it because i had only written bloopers up tp chap 9, and two, i couldnt get on cause of the server updates n stuff. so, here it is, and no worries, part 2 has got the whole ddr bit and more, and i am adding it... right now. so there! mwah. 


	12. Going Up Part 2

**Legendary Bloopers: Randomness Prevails**

**Chapter 10: Going Up/The Thecret Thinithter Alliance**

**PART 2**

* * *

(meanwhile…)

**THE TOP OF DEATH MOUNTAIN**

**(THE PLACE WHERE YOU HAVE TO THROW THE BOMB FLOWERS DOWN)**

(still Hyrule field music)

**Link:** So you and the Secret Sinister Alliance are at war?

**Goron (hereafter known as Zozo):** Yup. See, the tektites claim that they own the red sparkly stone, and Darunia said no, they don't, and ever since then Sir Thwack has been attacking us and trying to kill us off to get it.

**Link:** Sir Thwack? _(in head)_ Hmm. A red sparkly stone. That sounds oddly familiar…

**Zozo: **Thwack is their leader.

**Link:** Oh. Anyways, what's that purty flower over there? _(reaches over to poke the bomb flower)_

**Zozo:** NO, DON'T DO IT!!!

_(BBBAAAANNNGGGGG!)_

**Link:** _(sizzle)_

**Zozo:** _(smirk)_

**Link:** _(stares at the spot where the bomb flower was)_

**Bomb Flower:** pop! _(reappears)_

**Link:** NEATO!!!! AWESOME!!! _(pokes bomb flower, watches it explode, and smiles with glee as it reappears)_

**Link:** it's magic! The purty exploding flowers are magic!

**Zozo:** Whatever you say, kid.

**Link:** _(attempts to lift it)_ uuuhhnn, I can't lift it!

**Zozo:** You'll have to see Darunia about that. He's the only one with the bracelets.

**Link:** Oh. If I get bracelets, can I lift the purty flowers?

**Zozo:** Uh huh.

**Link:** Okay, cool. Hey, have you seen an annoying fairy with a broken wing around lately?

**Zozo:** Nope, sorry.

**Link:** _(lightbulb goes off - ding!)_ What about an oddly shaped red stone? This princess says I need one…

**Zozo:** That I have seen. Darunia has it. The tektites want it.

**Link:** Gee, thanks! _(runs off)_

**Link:** _(muttering under breath)_ As much as I hate her, I wish Navi was here. She'd know what a Darunia is!

* * *

(meanwhile…)

**SECRET SINISTER ALLIANCE COMMAND BASE - PRISON**

(ditto. nothing.)

**Navi:** _(rubs head)_ uhnn, what the heck? Where am I?

**Bobbert: **_(wakes up from his nap suddenly)_ Wha? Thir Thwack! Come quickly! The fairy hath thtirred!

**Snick:** _(runs into the room) _What you thay, Bobbert? Did the fairy tell you what a lithp ith yet?

**Swack:** _(skids to a stop in front of the cell)_ Yeth, Guardthman Bobbert, did it thay anything?

**Navi:** _(looks around in confusion)_

**Bobbert:** Nah, Thir Thwack, all it thaid ith; 'uhnn, what the heck? Where am I?'

**Snick:** Aww.

**Swack:** _(peers at Navi)_ You! Fairy! Tell uth, what ith a lithp?!

**Navi:** Never!

**Swack:** Yeth! Tell uth!

**Navi:** No.

**Snick:** Yeth!

**Swack:** Let me do the talking, thtupid!

**Bobbert:** Fairy, you will have nothing to eat or drink until you tell uth, underthtand?

**Swack:** Very good, Bobbert. Fairy, you will report for quethtioning in 1 hour'th time. Thnick, you take over watching it. Bobbert, come with me.

**Snick and Bobbert:** _(salute)_ Yeth, Thir!

_(Bobbert and Swack leave the prison)_

**Snick:** _(to Navi)_ Will you _pleathe _tell me what a lithp ith nooowww?

* * *

(meanwhile…)

**GORON CITY**

(do do, dooo dooo, do do dooo doooo, lol Goron City)

**Link:** _(to a random Goron) _Excuse me, do you know what a Darunia is or where I could find one?

**Random Goron:** _(looks at him strangely and scurries off)_

**Link:** _(grabs a random Goron)_ Excuse me, do you know what a Darunia is or where to find one?

**Random Goron:** _(annoyed) _This is the fifth time you've asked me, now clear off!

**Link:** _(frustrated) (yells at the top of his lungs)_ DOESN'T ANYONE FRIGGIN KNOW WHAT THE CRAP A DARUNIA IS???!!!!!!!!

**Gorons:** _(look at him once, then burst out laughing)_

**Goron 1:** _(laughing his head off)_ He's that way, kid. _(points)_

**Link:** _(runs off)_

**

* * *

**

BOTTOM OF GORON CITY

**Link:** _(pounding on Darunia's door) _LET ME IN, YOU HEAR ME!!! LET ME IN!!!!!

**Darunia:**_ (no answer)_

**Link:** What the crap? _(hears Sandstorm by Darude on the other side of the door, then suddenly it stops in the middle of the song)_

**Darunia:** (on the other side of the door) BANG-BANG-BANG-FRIGGIN-BANG!-THING-BANG!-WHY-BOOM!-CAN'T-BONK!-YOU-CRUNCH!-LET ME-SLAM!-WIN!!!!-BANG-BANG-BOOOMMM…SMASH!!!

**Link:** _(blinks)_

**Darunia:** _(stomps around) _ARRRGGHHH!!!!

**Link:** _(looks down)_ Hmm. _(sees the royal crest thingie)_ Hmmmmm… _(takes out ocarina and throws it against the door multiple times)_

**Link:** PLEASE-BANG!-LET-BOINK!-ME-SMASH!-IN!!!!-BANG BANG… BOOM!

**Link:** _(pants) (gathers up broken pieces of ocarina)_ Well, that was one way to use this piece of crap. _(waits for reply)_

**Darunia:** _(from other side of the door) _Who is it? I'm kinda busy at the moment.

**Link:** Ummm… it's Link.

**Darunia:** It's open, you know… Link.

**Link:** Really?

**Darunia:** Yup. Now if you'll excuse me…

**Darunia:** BANG BANG BOOM CRASH SMASH SLAM BONNNNGGGG

**Link:** Errr… _(opens door)_

**Random Goron:** AND THAT'S THE END! THAT'S IT!

**Random Goron:** _(meekly) _Just kidding.

**Darunia:** _(slamming a DDR mat on the ground while stomping on his PS2)_

**DDR:** Dance- Dance- _(bbbeeeppp)_ Dance Dance Revolution! _(bbeeeeppp)_ Dan-Revolu-Max-Trainin-Dance-Kona-Ligh-Par-Boo!-Go_-(beeeppppp) (screen goes black)_

**Darunia:** _(glances up at Link, then resumes beating up his DDR)_

**Link:** _(blinks several times)_

**Darunia:**_ (stops suddenly) _Phew. What a workout! _(turns back on his PS2 and spreads mat back out again, as though nothing happened)_

**DDR:** Welcome to DDR MAX 2! Are you ready to party? Light mode! Go! _(Sandstorm begins to play and the DDR guy comes on the screen. The arrows start coming up)_

**Darunia:** _(turns the volume as high as it can go)_

**Link:** _(covers his ears) _EXCUSE ME MR. DARUNIA???!!!

**Darunia:** _(stomps down on the DDR Mat, missing the arrows completely)_

**DDR: **Boo! Boo! Danger! Danger! Booooo!! Come on, you can do better than that! You suck! BOOOOO!!! DANGER BEEP BEEP BEEP!!! Game over.

**Darunia:** AWWW MANNN!!!

**Link:** _(screaming over the loud music)_ DARUNIIIIAAAAA!!

**Darunia:** WWHHHATTT DO YOU WANNNTTT???

**Link:** SOME BRACELETS AND A SPIRITUAL STONEE!!!!

**Darunia:** WHHHATTT? I'M KIND OF BUSY AND I CAN'T HEAR YOUU!!!!

**Link:** I NEED THE RED SPIRITUAL STONE!!!!

**Darunia:** IM BUSY, COME BACK LATER!

**Link:** I NEED IT NOOOWWW!!!

**DDR:** YOU SUCK, DUMBASS. COME BACK WHEN YOU CAN ACTUALLY PLAY. GAME OVER.

**Darunia:** _(breaks into a rage)_ ARRRRGGHHHHHH STUPID STUPID GAME!!! BANG BANG BANG SLAM SMUSH CRUNCH BLAM SMASH BONK STOMP

**Link:** CALM DOWN, IT'S JUST A GAME!!!

**Darunia:** _(stops in the middle of throwing the PS2 against the wall)_ Did you need something?

**Link:** Yes.

**Darunia:** Well too bad. I am soooo pissed off right now, what with this friggin game and those tektites! I just want to say-

**Link:** _(grabs the PS2 and puts in a disc)_ Here. Try this song.

**Link:** _(turns on the DDR: Zelda Mix Version - a/n: warning: real game does not exist. I made it up.)_

**DDR: **Welcome to Dance Dance Revolution Zelda Mix! Choose a song! Great! Start! _(Saria's song begins to play and Link gets all perfects)_

**DDR:** Perfect! Perfect! Perfect! Perfect!

**Darunia:** THAT SONG!! OH! OH-OH!! OHHHHH HOT! THIS MUSIC IS HOT!!! _(starts dancing around like a gay maniac)_

**Link:** _(stops playing and stares at him; his mouth hangs open and the controller falls out of his limp hangs and hits the floor with a bang)_

**Controller:** _(bang!)_

**Darunia:** _(calms down)_ That song is HOT! If I can beat you on DDR in that song, I'll actually listen to what you have to say!

**Link:** _(tries to hide his laughter)_ So, if… he… ha… you beat me… _(snicker)_ You'll listen to my requests?

**Darunia:** Yup!

**Link:** You're on! _(pulls out a second mat and plugs it in)_

**Link:** _(just stands there)_

**Darunia:** huff puff _(tries to hit all the arrows and fails miserably)_

**DDR:** And the winner is: LINK!

**Link:** What the crap? I just stood there!

**DDR:** I know! That's why you won!

**Darunia:** Aww.

**Link:** _(kicks the PS2) _STUPID STUPID GAME!!! BANG BANG BOOM-

**Darunia:** Calm down. I'll still listen to you 'cause you gave me that great song to dance to.

**Link:** Really?

**Darunia:** No. But I'll give you the stone if you defeat the Dondongos.

**Link:** Really?

**Darunia:** Of course not.

**Link:** Then what do I do?

**Darunia:** Hmmm…. I know! Let's have one more go at it!

* * *

And so ends the longest chapter I have ever written… hope you liked it! Coming up next: Dondongo's Cavern, finally. I guess Link somehow managed to lose to Darunia, which is some accomplishment lol. Anyway, toodles! :P

empress, who is not gonna make some lame joke this time for once

thanks to pinky for reviewing parts of this beforehand!


End file.
